Plan the perfect crime

The perfect crime is one where the perpetrator remains undetected, and indeed, may never even be identified as a crime.

You may chose to plan, in outline, any mendacious act – great or small. You must use a pseudonym for this daily create, unless you become too tempted by your own criminal genius.

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There are 5 written responses to this assignment.

Academic success

Written by mikeN on January 26, 2014 10:40 pm
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Two twins are identical in every way except for their academic skills. One is exceptionally bright in mathematics and the other has talents in English. The twins had recognized this at an early age. They came up with the idea of attending each other’s classes to keep their status on the honor roll. One would attend two math classes each day and the other attended two English classes. This enabled each of them to excel in their desired class,and improve their knowledge and skills. This crime continued throughout their educating years.

This Is Just to Say

Written by Veggie Lover on January 20, 2014 1:30 am
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I have eaten
the edamame
that were in the freezer

and which
you had forgotten
were there.

So I’ll just forgive myself
they were so crunchy
so salty
so yummy.

Apologies to William Carlos Williams

The Great Cauliflower Switcheroo

Written by AstroComfy on January 19, 2014 4:09 pm
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Make some Zuppa Toscana, but switch out the potatoes for cauliflower. Tastes great, less carbs. No one will complain because the taste is just as wonderful!

The Online Course Hustle

Written by A. Ng (No relation) on January 19, 2014 2:11 pm
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This crime is unique as it can be done in plain sight. And all you need is one gullible journalist, some web space, and a way with words

First up, you write a press release and build a cheap drupal website. Both these will use largely the same copy, and use some free stock images of happy smiling blondes with laptops. You should be able to churn this out easily, if not there are thousands of things online you can copy.

The thrust is that education as it currently stands is bad, but technology (specifically your technology) will make it better. Ring up the google switchboard – you won’t get through to anyone – and then add you are in discussion with Google about the project.

If you get this right, your journalist will write an exciting front page story about this, and venture capital investors… smelling the Google $$ … will line up to hand you money. Do not keep this money – use it to hire a really good PR agency to keep the hype rolling, and hire a couple of developers to knock up some kind of cut-down Blackboard clone.

At this point issue another press release, suggesting you are about to launch, and point users to a form to sign up. You should then announce the number of students (in 100,000s) you have “enrolled). With this statistic in hand, approach investors for another round of funding and then repeat using a higher enrollment number and the amount of money you already have borrowed (“an $x million pound disruptive edtech giant”).

As launch draws near convince a couple of gullible institutions to provide free content, lecturing staff and the use of their brand. You’ll be so massive by this point they will be falling over themselves to join so be selective.

Start the courses, and keep feeding the hype. Anounce that learners can pay money for a certificate of some sort, and watch the money roll in. If you are canny, add different levels of this for various fees.

At this point, your venture investors will be smelling the low profit possibility and screaming for repayment. Borrow another round of capital to repay them.

You will be so huge by now that either Facebook, Google, Yahoo or Microsoft will want to buy you. Play them off against each other, then accept the one that offers you (personally) the best deal. Then take this money and retire to a beach somewhere, leaving only to do TED talks and advise governments.

Illegally Donating Art

Written by ConstantinopleArts on January 19, 2014 12:01 pm
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The Crime of Donating Unasked-for Art

Have you ever wanted your Art to be displayed in the collection of a Famous Art Museum? Has no Famous Art Museum asked for your Art? Well, you can place your Art in the Famous Art Museum yourself! Though of doubtful legality, it is easy to do. And your Art might unwittingly become part of the Permanent Collection of the Famous Art Museum.

First, prepare some Art. It should be small, or foldable into a small size.

Second, conceal the Art (folded or not depending on inherent qualities of the Art) about your body. This could be in a pocket, in a bag, rolled along the shaft of an umbrella, inside a camera, or other convenient place, depending on the rules of what you are allowed to carry into the selected Famous Art Museum.

Third, don’t be nervous as you enter the Famous Art Museum. You have done nothing illegal yet.

Fourth, enjoy touring the Famous Art Museum. Locate a nice spot for your Art. Suggested locations include window sills, tops of display cases, any tables, etc. You could even place your Art on or inside another work of Art. It could be hidden or on open display. Just make sure that nobody is looking when you do your Art placement.

Fifth, walk away still enjoying your tour. Do not draw attention to your Art or yourself. You can return at a later date to see if your Art is still in place at the Famous Art Museum.

Options: include an identifying tag; place Art in the restrooms and dining rooms; place several Artworks over the course of time, then make a press release about your Exhibition; have several fellow Artists place their Art in the same Famous Art Museum at the same time. I am sure you can think of other creative options.

What to do if you get caught: go public! You are a Performance Artist and this is Performance Art. Document all you do and all that happens to you. Bring your camera (even if you have to conceal it). If you go to jail, write poetry and publish your jail memoirs. Inform newspapers and Art magazines. Make the Documentation available on the World Wide Web.

I hope you donate lots of Art! Don’t let the Mean Curators stop you!