1700 words were aded to the Merrium Webster Unabridged Dictionary in 2015. Can you use all of these in one semi-coherent piece of writing? Extra points for getting them all in one perfectly punctuated sentence!
emoji
wtf
nsfw (“not safe for work”; example is porn)
net neutrality
click bait
click fraud
photo bomb
crema
chilaquiles
colony collapse disorder

I saw the John Oliver special on net neutrality yesterday.  I thought to myself, wtf! No emoji ever made could describe how shady the internet providers could make a consumer feel. The click bait campaign used to generate good will towards their cause is laughable. They are more comparable to shady click fraud revenue endeavors.  If I had the chance to see them (Chairman’s of the service providers) in public smiling for the cameras, I would photo bomb them with a big middle finger. That picture would probably not be seen by many because it would not be an nsfw picture to pull up at your work computer. But I wouldn’t care. Better yet, if I were a server for one of them I would make my spit look like crema in their drink or put Viagra in their chilaquiles. Creating a super highway for wealthier users would cause a colony collapse disorder like trend regarding the usage and flow of information amongst those of us who can’t afford to be on the internet fast lane.

“WTF” I called out when I was shown the nsfw picture from my co-worker.  It was a picture of a man that looked like a balloon from bees suffering from the effect of colony collapse disorder. I threw my coffee at my coworker for showing me that while eating my chilaquiles. It was obviously click bait but he thought it would be funny to startle me in the middle of out conversation on net neutrality. While trying to get my composure Samuel L Jackson photo bombed us and sent the picture to all his friends with little emojis in the corner. So please share my incoherent post with everyone or just commit click fraud so I can get paid more off the ads on my site.

With or without net neutrality—though I, as someone who just realized on my six-month old iPad are cute and colorful and sweet as gourmet crema . . . you know, the stuff you [read: unnamed male] swirl into your overpriced latte at the moms and pops coffee-shop-turned-shiny-bright-as-a-castle-franchise while dreaming of biting into your favorite order of chilaquiles at the Mexican restaurant now owned by that same moms and pops of the chica bonita who likes to think of herself in third person and who is questioning your integrity because of your potential Bot involvement in a click fraud operation and because of your “nsfw” type of photo bomb proclivities whenever she and her friends are photographed sh*t-faced while throwing back Tequila poppers at your high-profile parties. . . yes, bright, cheery symbols affectionately, and most aptly, described as emoji: thingamajigs(which, btw, unnamed male often uses as click bait for unsuspecting chicks perusing his tweets), representing all kinds of “wtf” emotions that can be strung out in lieu of text-based adjectives , which ironically often annoy the heck out of people I just learned, little symbols I admit to being ignorant of most of the time; you know, since as of late I’ve been experiencing imposter syndrome, that is, thinking I don’t know much about anything, despite my numerous degrees in psych—so, yeah, as I slap together tortillas in my most retro apron for my sweetie, a man who cannot seem to understand the era of Mad Men is over and that he is not Don Draper incarnate, I get the feeling with or without open access that my man [read: named Don—yes, really] may fall into complete colony collapse disorder, the same way my forbearers reported seeing a group of visiting aliens mysteriously experience a little more than a century ago in a sparkling underground city beneath an oasis in a sandy Nevada desert.

It was a chilaquiles and double espresso kind of day; the colony collapse disorder click bait and click fraud came in rapid bursts — except at occasional intervals, when they were interrupted by a virulent photo bomb of nsfw memes and emoji strings, which incessantly pinged my Twitter feed (for it is in social media that such “WTF” distraction lies), disturbing the barista’s carefully-crafted pattern in my crema, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the net neutrality that strained the coffee shop Wi-Fi.

When I was sitting in bed because I no longer was able to go to my job as a bee rangler since we were hit with colony collapse disorder, sipping the crema off of my latte, I found some click bait while surfing on my tablet.  I blamed net neutrality for my Netflix not loading which is what led me to a few click frauds before I finally got an epiphany while chewing my chilaquiles and loudly wondering if these sites were snfw or if I would I would wonder WTF happened to my emoji that appeared with a sad face.  In the end I just photobombed my cat while she stole my webcam and was posting a youtube video.

As I sit with my Espresso admiring the crema and watching the sun rise, I reflect on how I was taken by surprise by the intentional click bait and the click fraud I had just encountered. What a joke! People get such a kick out of making other peoples life so miserable. They could at least let us know what is going on. Instead they have to be sneaky about it. Now all I get are ads that keep popping up. This is ridiculous. “WTF!” Why can’t they do things like emoji’s? Now that makes me smile. They have real cute ones and if you click on them nothing happens. I do like the net neutrality side of the internet. I think that is an honest way to give consumers access to all legal content and applications on an equal basis, without favoring some sources or blocking others. It also provides for speedier deliveries. Sometimes I have received emails that I consider nsfw. What were they thinking sending me that at work. I might go out to dinner tonight to my favorite Mexican restaurant and get some chilaquiles and a chimichanga. I might even get to photo bomb the waitress. She is always taking pictures of the guests. Oh ya! maybe not, the last time I was there a colony collapse disorder was erupting and bees were everywhere. Guess I will have to put on my big girl panties and go see. The food is worth it.  :)

This one day at band camp while I was sipping on a perfect crema I got accused of causing colony collapse disorder in the local bee colony because I used the wrong emoji to express my distaste with the new net neutrality laws being debated in Congress, which are clearly trying to eliminate all the click bait and click fraud being committed by chilaquiles eating photo bombers who always try to ruin perfectly good family pictures with their nsfw antics, and I’m like, “wtf;” I didn’t have anything to do with those darn bees.

Woman scrolling through her Facebook timeline at work

Woman: “WTF! This emoji is def(initely) nsfw,” she yelled; burning herself on her espresso and giving her a crema mustache.

Friend: “What is it?”

Woman: “Idk…maybe an x rated version of chilaquiles”

Friend: “It looks like it’s a mutated CCD or something. Why are there so many ads on here? Keep clicking on them and see what happens.”

Woman: “No! Don’t you know that’s click fraud? I could go to jail.”

Friend: “Stop exaggerating! Well, that is some click bait going on there.”

Woman: “I guess…I’m surprised it’s even on here. The office must believe in net neutrality then.”

Continues to scroll through timeline

Friend: “EW! Look at that guy’s face! What is he doing?”

Woman: “What a great photo bomb.”

Both: *Giggle*

Boss: “Get back to work you two.”

Back in those days, I was in the habit of taking breakfast on Wednesdays down at Emoji’s, a Japanese/Mexican bistro where I could get a hot plate of chilaquiles and an espresso with the image of Jesus swirled into the crema.
Every Wednesday, I’d sit down, order up, and power up the old iPad Air we all used to pack back in the net neutrality days, back before the entire world wide web started dying in the hive one hub at a time like virtual colony collapse disorder.
One day, I was sitting there minding my own – maybe I was cruising some NSFW sites, but WTF, I’m as susceptible to click bait as the next guy–and I saw these two cops outside the café window posing for a third cop– a cute young thang trying for arty.
You’d think that with the way this little burg is papered with my mug shot that I could resist, but no, I popped up between them and photo bombed the heck out of their little lovefest. 
That sort of explains why the photog cop got the inspiration to run facial recog on me, and also explains why I’m sitting in this medium security cell trying to explain the fine points of click fraud to a guy who has been here since before the web was born, lived, and more or less imploded.
I’m telling you, it’s like teaching a rock to swim.

She muttered “wtf” but really it was more like “nsfw” — as the photo bomb of that emoji ninja eating chilaquiles and drinking crema clearly showed — and as we all crowded around the click bait on her screen, as if we were all part of some colony collapse disorder, someone had the nerve to call up net neutrality as an option for filtering, as if it was all part of some click fraud and not just some practical joke DS106 was pulling on all of us.
Someone else consulted the dictionary.