Write an Article by a Random Mad Scientict

Use the first five phrases you can get from John’s Jargon Generator and include them to write an abstract of a realistic sounding scientific paper.

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Submitted by CogDog

There are 12 written responses to this assignment.

RE: Article Review

Written by Greg Gauthier on January 24, 2014 10:41 pm
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A Critique of

Triangulating the Future of Time in an Era of New Technology: A Constructivist Model

Excerpt from Treatises of Technological Trends Tending Toward a Tenacious Tumult. November, 2015.

By Greg Gauthier

The authors of this study have endeavored to query ubiquitous strategies in an effort to generate user-centric strategies that aggregate cross platform relationships in order to visualize online communities which normalize extensible models within the field of educational technology.

The Scientist’s New Clothes

Written by Cris Crissman @Cris2B on January 8, 2014 12:55 am
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New York fashion ran headon into technology geekdom this week at The International Consumer Electonics Show in Las Vegas, Nevada. Popular scientist and science communicator Neil DeGrasse Tyson was promoting a new line of wearable electronics developed by the MIT Lab

Tyson modeled a $250,000 beaded and spangled rock star suit with its own personal satellite. The satellite enables the wearer to disambiguate web preservation, integrate computer-assisted intranets, scale interactive sublanguages visualize integrated portals, create architect informatics frameworks, and make Mintos smoothies.

Tyson was demonstrating how to scale interactive sublanguages when a transformer blew and the suit became transparent. Tyson, typically unperturbed, was not amused.

When in Chalkdust, Breathe in Chalkdust

Written by @dogtrax on January 7, 2014 8:48 pm
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This abstract focuses in on a now-world famous, hightly-tweeted educational experiment that began with a query relational methodologies designed to integrate open-source relevance through the examination of chalk-based illustrations on sidewalks by two and three year old artists holding sippy cups (beverage type not important but apple juice was common). By using a protocol of network author-generated solutions, the researchers from the Baby Steps Picasso Lab intend to network author-generated solutions by examining every single swoop of every letter, and comparing the size of heads on the people drawn so that scientists in the lab can disambiguate development analysis in a formal way, with little laughter. Ok, so there might be a little laughter. Particularly that one of the dog chasing the cat. Hilarious, right?

The Future of Web Design

Written by DHCP Server on January 7, 2014 7:28 pm
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The Hypertext Transfer Protocol Hypothesis predicts that to webify granular arrays is not the best way to analyze intranet objects. To maintain the status quo, one must engineer internet users to optimize collaborative ontologies thereby creating ways to interface scalable strategies.

Generated Phrases:
optimize collaborative ontologies
engineer internet users
analyze intranet objects
interface scalable strategies
webify granular arrays

On the decline of the Spanish monarchy

Written by procsilas on January 7, 2014 5:13 pm
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In this paper we visualize author-generated communities that have been created by means of mesh intranet platforms. We analyze interactive systems and integrate relevance feedback corpora in order to benchmark entity-relationship sublanguages. Our results show that there is still room for improvement.

Extension of development corpora to maximise commercial advantage: two informatics approaches

Written by R3beccaf on January 7, 2014 5:06 pm
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In spite of the increasing international prevalence of big data, and the consequent exponential growth in data mining techniques, most large organisations still fail to network internal datasets in ways that can maximise commercial advantage. The two studies reported here demonstrate that it is possible to deploy informatics methodologies on randomly selected sub-sets of intranet data in order to extend development corpora. In each case, the first stage of the data mining process was to develop and quantify intranet thesauri. These thesauri were trained using previously verified datasets, which allowed them to mesh strategic paradigms successfully when applied to similar datasets sourced from elsewhere in the organisation. Both studies deploy relevance feedback infrastructures in order to sense-check emerging data, providing reliable validity ratings that enable these data to be used in commercially sensitive environments.

Randomly generated phrases: extend development corpora, mesh strategic paradigms, deploy relevance feedback infrastructures, quantify intranet thesauri, deploy informatics methodologies

Mad Scientist

Written by TeacherTammie on January 7, 2014 3:47 pm
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Upon receiving high honors and accolades from the University of Harvest’s Internet Platforms department, this study was developed as an attempt to architect human computer relationships. The research is based on the premise that participants should be able to design entity-relationship technologies. The collected data was then extrapolated to enhance the resulting benchmark online queries. With robust optimism this program has proven that to allow researchers genuine opportunities to quantify extensible abstractions is to allow the world at large to believe in the possibility of impending concord once again.

Generated Phrases:
quantify extensible abstractions
harvest internet platforms
architect human computer relationships
design entity-relationship technologies
benchmark online queries

Bayesian approaches to making data-driven digital repository purchasing decisions

Written by Kernohan, D et al. on January 7, 2014 3:12 pm
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(as published in the Canadian Journal of Library Management Science, June 1999)

Library science, in a rush to webify distributed preservation, has focused on the development of network ubiquitous portals. However, little credible work has been carried out concerning the likelihood of demand for artefact retrieval when making decisions about digital archival processes. In this paper we deploy probablistic models and extend bayesian thesauri in order to engineer robust sublanguages around common retrieval requests, and use these to make recommendations concerning investments in enterprise-level storage and search systems.

We conclude that the majority (76%, p=0.005) of search terms concern pictures of cats with amusing phrases, specifically including terms such as “cheezburger” “haz” “LOL” and “silly humins”, and recommend that library resources are diverted instead to the purchase of kittens, cardigans and gin.

(5 generated phrases:
network ubiquitous portals
deploy probabilistic models
webify distributed preservation
extend bayesian thesauri
engineer robust sublanguages

Matrix Robust Platforms in the Extension of Internet Designs

Written by AstroComfy on January 7, 2014 2:41 pm
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(Phrases from the Jargon Generator in quotes.)

“Matrix robust platforms” are currently an emerging force in the use of the world wide web for business purposes. In order to study these platforms, our team attempted to “document author-generated taxonomies” as they occurred in the matrix platforms. The team accomplished this by not only studying data from website analytics, but also by a meta-analysis of the “archive entity-relationship indexes” currently available. In doing so, the team was then able to “synthesize relevance feedback methodologies” in classifying the types and uses of the matrix platforms. After consideration, eliminating any author-generated taxonomies will allow business to “extend internet designs” for the matrix platforms and, in the future, be much more productive with all of their jargon.

TDM/7300 Temporal Displacement Modulation Anticipatory Enhancements

Written by @byzantiumbooks on January 7, 2014 2:41 pm
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From the Octember 2027 issue of IEEE Transactions in Communications:

TDM/7300 Temporal Displacement Modulation Anticipatory Enhancements

Primary investigators: Byzantium Bill and Scott Lo
Based on original work of Dr. Yoshiro Nakamatsu


The TDM/7300 receiver/demodulator is based on the design of ubiquitous relationships. While operating with radio and television receivers of various vintages, the TDM will transition informatics portals of n-dimensional capabilities. In particular, the TDM/7300 is demonstrated to disambiguate system thesauri and retrieve user-centric systems. It has recovered newspaper text and images from the 1980s, as well as television signals from the near future. The implication of this capability is that it anticipates the ability to scale computer-assisted abstractions, allowing both distant past and distant future temporal displacement reception and recovery. In further research, the team will analyze development analysis. Stay tuned for further jargon insertion and rapidly developing systematics.

Implement Intuitive Systems

Written by @sandramardene on January 7, 2014 1:14 pm
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In order to extend user-centric abstractions, my colleagues and I developed at no small cost to the grant-awarding agency, multiple aggregate online corpora. Once we had completed running radon alphetics at our respective institutions, we proceeded to mesh granular models. O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! That allowed us to then transform virtual arrays, and, in short, radicalize and model web-enabled metrics. Definitively, then, we have gravidly proven that except for the point, the still point, there would be no dance, and there is only the dance.

On the solution to the P vs. NP problem

Written by Holden on January 7, 2014 11:40 am
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In this paper we solve the P vs. NP problem. We find that it is neither true nor false, but computationally relativist, depending on the assumed syntactic mode of reality.

Our proof is computer-assisted. The main idea is to realize that the structure of mathematical thought is philosophically inseparable from the underlying deep language that unites all humans. However, because of the subcritical interaction in Darwinian dynamics, this deep language is fundamentally inaccessible. Our first step is to mesh these semantic frameworks with MARC protocols. This allows us to webify these relational sublanguages, so that their rate of reaction is several orders of magnitude above what is achieved by neuronal stimulation. Our next step was to index these computer-assisted networks with the help of nonparametric statistics. This allowed the evolution of interdependent AI’s that are currently synthesizing pidgin web languages, vastly more powerful than our own or even mathematical logic, and which settled definitively the P vs. NP problem. We have reason to believe that these AI’s are currently generating computer-assisted portals, which will lead humanity closer to the singularity.