Speaking in response to yesterdays UK Budgetary Statement, White House spokesperson Jay Cerney warned against future market effervescence caused by an unprecedented build up of toxic carbon dioxide in the Hang Seng Index, NYSE and FTSE.
“What (UK Chancellor of the Exchequer) George Osborne has done is the epitome of recklessness,” said Cerney. “He is right that this toxic CO2 must be removed from the markets, but his addition of inverted sugar syrup, sweeteners, Cola nuts, bergamont and lime juice and serving bond derivatives with ice and free refills must be seen in the context of the US Mentos project. In combination this could be explosive and potentially very, very messy”
One New York trader, James “Bava” Groom, added “this is like the MOOC hype bubble, times several billion. I can’t think what Osborne is up to.” And speaking to us via Skype, Stanford analyst Andrew Ng said “… hello… yes… is this thing working…. can you see my slides”. Google’s Sebastian Thrun was unavailable for comment as he was facing 180 degrees in the other direction… “there should be only 10 degrees by 2050,” said a colleague.
A suspicious individual known as “Slide Guy” has been seen on the trading floor, laughing uproariously. But our traders wait under umbrellas for the inevitable consequences.