VADER
Ace, it’s all to pot. Don’t make
this some damp squib. Don’t you
realize you’re the bee’s knees? You’re
just finding out your power and it is
freaking blinding! Join me mate, I’ll
fix your training. You may get a bit
knackered, chunder some, when trying the
new dark side stuff. But as mates we can
end this kerfuffle with the jedi.

LUKE
Take a piss!

VADER
Ace, don’t lose the plot! The dark side’s
power is so scrummy! Eh, your mate Obi-Wan
ever tell you about your dad?

LUKE
Nice one! My mate told me, you were the
wanker that did him!

VADER
Ace. That’s some dodgy stuff. I’m your dad.

Luke looks at Vader totally gobsmacked.

LUKE
That’s rubbish!
Don’t talk tosh!

VADER
Ace, don’t be so gutted. It ain’t no cock up.

LUKE
Bugger! Bugger! Bugger!

VADER
Ace. You can give the Emperor a real bollocking.
My mate saw this a fortnight ago.
Nice one, right? Join me, and together
we will be blinding as mates! Cheers, Ace.
Otherwise it’s all bollocks.