A startling new report emerged.
Lauren Fagen, 18, was volunteering
near the shores of the Arctic Ocean

The juvenile mammoth was found
with photogs yesterday
volunteering at the Wildlife Rehabilitation Centre.

The usually chill gentle giant turned hostile.
She leaned in to kiss the beast’s fur
and shows signs of being cut open.

— From Tabloid stories:
* “Frozen Wooly Mammoth” (Weekly World News) http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/46345/frozen-mammoth/
* “Odom Smash” (National Enquirer) http://www.nationalenquirer.com/celebrity/odom-smash
* “‘It was a miracle that I survived’: Canadian teen suffers ‘huge rips’ in her body after trying to KISS a lion” (Daily Mail) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2360754/Canadian-teen-Lauren-Fagen-suffers-huge-rips-body-trying-KISS-lion.html